Are you a murderer?

Temptation to sin and pornography

Today’s post is not for the faint hearted. We will look at the account of a murder that happened in the 1740s and apply it to the temptation many people experience with sexual sin and pornography. This is not an article to give ways out of temptation. The goal of this article is to help us think seriously about the danger of temptation. With that in mind let us continue.

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Four or five years ago I stumbled upon the confession of Matthew Henderson to the murder of his lady. As I read the confession I was struck by how the description of the thought, struggle, and act mirrors the account many people give of their struggle with sexual temptation and specifically pornography. Simply change the temptation from ‘murder’ to watching ‘pornography’ and it could be heard at any accountability group. The sad thing about many of these groups is that they become places where confession is given only to be told ‘it’s ok, we are all struggling too.’ Instead of being a place where people are helped to walk in repentance they can become places where people are helped to feel ‘ok’ about their sin… It is not ‘ok.’ John Owen has often been quoted as saying "Be killing sin, or sin will be killing you." It is with this in mind that it might be valuable for many people to think about the account of Matthew Henderson.

On March 25, 1746¹, about eleven at night, Mary Platt, the maid-servant, told him [Matthew Henderson] she would go and see her husband, and he said she might do as she pleased: she went, and took the key to let herself in again; he shut the door after her, and went and cleaned some plate in the kitchen. From thence he went up into the backparlour, where he used to lie, and let down his bed, in order to go to sleep. He pulled off his shoes, and tied up his hair with his garter, and that moment the thought came into his head to kill his lady. He went down stairs into the kitchen, and took a small iron cleaver, and came into his bed-chamber again, and sat down on his bed about twenty minutes, considering whether he should commit the murder. His heart relented, and he thought he could not do it, because he never had received any affront; however, he concluded to do it, as there was none in the house but the deceased and himself.

He went up to the first landing-place on the stairs, and after tarrying a minute or two, came down, shocked at the crime he was about to perpetrate. He sat down on his bed for a little while, and then went up again, as far as the dining-room, but was again so shocked he could not proceed, and came down again, and sat on his bed some minutes, and had almost determined with himself not to commit the murder; but, he says, the devil was very busy with him, and that he was in such agonies, as cannot be expressed. He went up again as far as the first window, and the watchman was going "past twelve o'clock."

After the watchman had passed the door, and all was silent, he came down two or three steps, but presently went up again as far as his lady's room-door, having the cleaver all the time in his hand; and opened it, it not being locked; he went into the room, but could not kill her; he was in great fear and terror: and went out of the room, as far as the stair-head, about three yards from her chamber-door, but immediately returned, with a full resolution to murder her.

He entered the room a second time, went to the bedside, undrew the curtains, and found she was fast asleep. He went twice from the bed to the door in great perplexity of mind, the deceased being still asleep; he had no candle, and believes, if there had been a light, he could not have committed the murder. He continued in great agonies, but soon felt where she lay, and made twelve or fourteen motions with the cleaver, before he struck her.

The first blow he missed, but the second he struck her on the head, and she endeavoured to get out of bed on that side next the door, and when he struck her again, she moved to the other side of the bed, and spoke several words which he can't remember. He repeated his blows, and in struggling she fell out of bed next the window, and then he thought it was time to put her out of her misery, and struck her with all his might as she lay on the floor; she bled very much, and he cut the curtains in several places when he missed his blows.

All the words she said, when he struck her the third or fourth blow, were, "O Lord, what is this!" She rattled in her throat very much, and he was so frighted, that he ran down stairs, and threw the chopping-knife into the privy.

He then went into his bed-chamber again, and sat down on his bed for about ten minutes, when it came into his head to rob the house, which he solemnly declares he had no intention to do, before he committed the murder.

When he had determined to rob the house, he directly struck a light, went into the deceased's bed-chamber, and took her pockets, as they were hanging on the chair, and took a gold watch, two diamond rings out of the drawers, with several other things, but does not remember all the particulars; she was not dead then, but rattled very much in the throat, and he was so surprised, that he scarcely knew what he did, and would have given ten thousand worlds, could he have recalled what he had done.

When he had taken what he thought proper, he went out of the street-door, and fastened it with a piece of cord, and when he came into the street, he was so terrified that he could scarcely walk; he went into Holborn, where his wife lodged, and all the way he went he thought his murdered lady followed him. The watchman was going "past one o'clock," as he was going along Holborn, so that he was near a full hour in committing this most horrid deed.

He did not stay here more than a quarter of an hour, and then returned to his master's; but by endeavouring to break the string with which he had fastened the door, he shut himself out, so that he was obliged to wait till the maid came home, which was about six o'clock; he told her he had been to get some shirts that were mending, and had locked himself out.

The maid, on opening the windows, first below, and then above, by degrees discovered that there had been a robbery, and by some, blood on the stairs, suspected her lady was killed. She told him, from time to time, what things she missed as she went about the house, and lastly, with the blood on the stairs; on which he desired she would go into her lady's room, and see if it was really so; she consented, and he went to the door with her, she came out presently, crying out, "It is so! It is so!" He then went and acquainted a gentleman, who was nephew to his master, that somebody had broke into the house, and he suspecting the maid, who had been out all night, took her before the justice first, who thought proper, on hearing her examination, to send for him. He was very ready to go, and declares he had no thought of escaping, though he had great opportunity so to do.

He at first denied the facts, and accused two innocent persons; but being very much confounded by the cross questions then put to him, he at length confessed the fact. He appeals to all that knew him for the irreproachableness of his life before this happened, and again declares himself alone guilty of, and privy to the murder, and that he was not prompted by either malice or interest, and never thought of committing so dreadful a crime, till a quarter of an hour before the perpetration of it.

Be killing sin or sin will be killing you, indeed, Matthew Henderson was executed for murder the day after his confession was written down.

Let’s retell his account in terms of temptation to watch pornography. Many people speak of temptation as a thought which enters their mind out of nowhere. They are alone in their room, the thought is resisted, but it stays in the mind. They start making steps in that direction, they are climbing the staircase, they turn on the computer, start searching for other things… etc. As they get closer to the sin they are horrified and run away… yet they come back and take more steps even closer. Eventually they are in the same room as their sin, looking directly at it, and after taking more steps towards it they ‘go with it’ because well they have already gone this far and they might as well get it over with.

As we think about the seriousness of temptation to sin we should ask ourselves, ‘Am I a murder?’ Looking at Henderson’s account what difference is there between him and us? Simply the object of the temptation. Be killing sin or sin will be killing you.

1. Taken from ‘The New Newgate Calendar, Being Interesting Memoirs of Notorious Characters, who Have Been Convicted of Outrages on the Laws of England, During the Seventeenth Century, Brought Down to the Present Time,’ published in 1810.